Happy Fake Love Day aka Bachelor update!

What better way to celebrate a day of forced expressions of love than by watching The Bachelor? (Disclaimer: I’m a fan of love. I love romance. But I also firmly believe if you love someone you should tell them and show them that every day, not just the day Hallmark instructs you to. That said, I still have a special dinner in store for my man tonight.)

Okay, here we go. This week finds our gang in Belize, which I’ve heard is very nice and a beautiful place to go. There are six women left and much is made of the fact that next week come hometown dates, where the bachelor meets the families of four women. A natural step after one or two dates, right?

  • Ben wears too many tank tops in this episode. One tank top is too much. He wears more than one over the next hour. It does not look good.
  • Ben says he has feelings of love but isn’t ready to tell anyone. I question if those feelings are real. Why would he not want to express them? (Unless he were contractually obligated to keep his mouth shut.)
  • This episode will have three 1-on-1 dates without roses and one group date with a rose. Lindzi gets the first 1-on-1 date.
  • Ben wears a tank top on the date. They fly out in a helicopter (naturally.) to “The Blue Hole”.

    The Blue Hole. Sort of ominous, really cool. (I do not own this image.)

    •  This looks awesome to me. They jump from the low flying helicopter and swim around here until a boat picks them up. Very fun. Of course Lindzi freaks out, think she’s going to die. You know, because of how many people die on The Bachelor.
    • Ben kisses her to calm her down. That’s his only move and it’s getting old.
    • I like Lindzi but she really starts to annoy me as the date progresses. I lost count of how many times she compare relationships to jumping out of a helicopter. So many bad “falling in love” metaphors!
    • Lindzi says it’s sexy that Ben drives the boat but in the scene we see he is clearly not steering the boat as it pulls into the dock. So if he was driving the boat earlier, he had to hand over control because he doesn’t know how to dock a boat. That’s not that sexy.
    • Meanwhile, back at the ranch/mansion, Courtney explains to the other girls why a one-on-one date is owed to her. She claims that if she does not receive this date she will not accept a rose. Naturally, we all hope she won’t get a date. Naturally, she does.
    • Emily gets the second 1-on-1 date and has to board a plane by herself. We see her handing over a ticket to get on a little plane where she seems to be the only passenger (aside from the cameraman, of course).
    • Ben and Emily have a sweet date riding through town on bikes.

      How fun is this? (I do not own this image.)

      • This date seems the most like a real couple on a real vacation. They should be wearing helmets though.
      • They drink from coconuts and catch lobsters, which looks like more fun than I would have thought.
      • Courtney meanwhile is going on and on about how poorly Emily treated her. I don’t remember Emily doing anything that fits what Courtney describes. Courtney says she isn’t ready to bring Ben home. Her disappointment seems genuine but it’s so hard to tell with her. She just seems so manipulative.
      • Courtney gets that last 1-on-1 date card. Kacie gets sweary.
      • I don’t think Courtney’s wrong to demand more from her relationship with Ben. The guy’s put in zero effort with any of these girls. They may like to think he plans these dates for them but he doesn’t. He hasn’t opened up to any of them or shared how he feels. However, every time Courtney’s with Ben she tells him the spark is gone and it just feels like a ploy to make him tell her how much he likes her.
      • They visit a Mayan temple from 100 B.C. Are you allowed to just climb those?

        Are you allowed to do this? Date someone so terrible, I mean. (I do not own this image.)

        • You should not be allowed to climb those while comparing the temple steps to the steps in your pseudo-relationship. That should be a rule. I literally rolled my eyes when Courtney said this
        • Ben says he believes in soul mates and that he feels certain about Courtney. Friends, I don’t think we’re going to like the end of this season. Except that the rest of the girls are too good for Ben so I don’t want him to be with any of them. Is it wrong for me to hope he ends up single and thus grows up a little.
        • Meanwhile, Kacie is at home comparing Courtney to a black widow. But her analogies make me think she doesn’t know that a black widow is a type of spider.
        • Over dinner, Ben asks Courtney about her relationships with the rest of the girls. She says she has tried to get to know them and I wonder if she knows that’s not true or she thinks she really has made an effort
        • She says that she has lots of guy friends when Ben asks about her friends back home. I’m sorry, that’s a red flag to me. You don’t have to have a ton of girlfriends, but a woman who can’t name a single female friend? Do you think Courtney has real friendship with these “guy friends” or she likes having men around her because it builds up her confidence? I can’t help getting all pseudo-psychologist and wondering about her relationship with her father?
        • Rachel, Nicki, and Kacie are on the group date. One of them will get a rose. You guys, one of them will definitely take Ben home to meet her family! Squeal!
        • Ben wakes the girls up at 4am for their group date. I liked that. I would have no problem being woken up early in the morning by the guy I liked to spend a fun day together. Plus, I think seeing each other when you haven’t dressed up and done your hair or make-up is important too.
        • The girls scramble to get ready and I had to laugh at Rachel and Nicki hurrying to shave their legs in the bathroom. That would totally be me!

          Champagne in the morning! (I do not own this image.)

          •  They board a catamaran and Ben gets on their good side by serving champagne.
          • See that striped shirt Ben is wearing? He pulls that off to reveal another tank top.
          • They are going shark-diving. (Is that a real thing?) Rachel is scared of sharks; someone had to be. (Does anyone know what kind of sharks they swam with? They had really blunt noses and they looked big but not that fierce.)
          • Nicki and Kacie are excited and jump in together holding hands. It’s cute, they seem like they’re actually friends. Ben hangs back to go in with Rachel.
          • After swimming the group date returns to the house. Where the other girls are. That seems weird. They couldn’t spring for a second location? Did they just tell Emily and Lindzi and Courtney to stay inside?
          • Kacie tells Ben she’s falling in love with him and he doesn’t respond, just kisses her. Remember that song “It’s in his kiss”? (May not be the actual title.) where the singer says you’ll know how the guy feels by how he kisses? This reminds me of that song. It also reminds me how every time my dad heard that song on the radio he would tell me how incorrect that was and if a guy loves you, he’ll tell you. Kacie, however, is rewarded with the rose.
          • After which comes awkward silence.
          • Kacie and Nicki talk to Ben a little about Courtney and warn him that she doesn’t really care about him. He seems to take this more seriously than he did when Emily said the same things. Why? Because now he’s heard it from three women? Because he values Kacie and Nicki’s opinions more?
          • The rose ceremony occurs without a preceding cocktail party. I’m thankful for that. At this point, the cocktail parties seem boring and pointless.
          • I like Courtney’s dress and Rachel’s dress best.
          • I like the face Emily makes.

            Emily, I agree. (I do not own this image.)

            • Ben pulls Courtney aside to make sure she’s here “for the right reasons”. I have little hope that he’ll actually send her home. He’s far too smitten and willing to listen to whatever she says.
            • Ben gets rid of the blondes. Rachel, I’m not surprised, I didn’t see much of a connection there. I am surprised he kept Lindzi over Emily. He seemed to really like Emily when on their date. I quite Emily. She was the smartest and funniest one and the only one I think I’d want to hang out with in real life. I hope she goes home, gives herself a good shake and thanks God she got out of there.

            Next week, home town dates!

          Happy Valentine’s Day to you all! Give someone you love a hug and go buy yourself some chocolate! (Or buy it tomorrow, when it’s on sale!)

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