This past week has been busy/exhausting, hence the recent blog neglect. Obviously, you’ve all been waiting on the edge of your seats for my thoughts on the most recent episode of The Bachelor. Well, here it is (non-Bachelor related blogness will come soon!)
The episode opens with host Tyler Harcott (I think that’s his name) coming in and telling the ladies, “And then there were twelve.” Which is not something people say, ever. Our host Tyler seems to do even less than American Host Chris Harrison. And Chris is notorious for having the easiest hosting job ever.
The first 1-on-1 date of the night goes to Kara. She played softball or something, right? Some highlights:
- Kara thinks her denim-on-denim outfit is “fabulous.” Does this fit into some sort of Canadian cliche? Canadian tuxedo and all that? I know that denim-on-denim is sort of in fashion again but I just can’t get onboard. Kara is beautiful but she looks like she’s lost her way from an 80’s country music video.
- Then again, they are on their way to Alberta. Via helicopter? How long would that take? Is it safe to go over the Rockies on a helicopter?
- Neither of them have ever been on a horse but for this date they will be riding horses and wrangling cattle. Honestly, I would hate this date. Not because I’m afraid of getting dirty but because I’m a little bit afraid of horses. Yes, I admit it. I would be so busy trying not to fall off a horse that I would not have fun.
- They have dinner in “a romantic barn”. That’s a direct quote. I feel that if you want a barn to be romantic, you should call it a stable.
- Kara didn’t know there would be a rose? Has she seen this show?
- Brad refers to this as a “low key date”. Really? You flew across the Rocky Mountains in a helicopter!
Date #2: The group date
- Ana, Bianka, Britany, Gabrielle, and Tia are all chosen for the group date. Which will take place in Sayulita, Mexico. It’s almost like, in an effort to prove the Canadian Bachelor isn’t just a low-budget version of the regular Bachelor, they are going overboard.
- Brad wears a tank top. His board shorts are Vanilla Ice level hideous. (And I say that as someone who has recently watched Cool as Ice.
- Their date consists of bringing toys and sporting equipment to a children’s home? rec centre? school? and playing with the kids. Hopefully the women did all actually enjoy this experience but really, isn’t this the one date where you absolutely have to pretend you’re having an amazing time, otherwise you’re a pretty awful person?
- Afterwards they all head to a pool where a mariachi band is hanging out. (Mexican stereotypes!) The ladies are all wearing bikinis and Brad is wearing a neon tanktop and hideous shorts. It makes me uncomfortable.
- There’s no rose on this group date (another difference) but Brad will choose one lady to have a 1-on-1 date with the next day. He chooses Bianka.
- Suddenly all the women are holding little pink roses. No one alludes to it.
- Bianka seems surprisingly normal for someone who used to date Kris Humphries. She says she doesn’t know if she likes Brad yet, which is a completely legitimate thing to say about a man you’ve known for about a week and never spent time alone with. Of course, saying that makes all the other ladies think she “isn’t here for the right reasons”.
- My feeling is that Bianka is not the type who chases men. Her hard-to-get style seems to work on Brad.
Date #3: The group date…again
- Back in Victoria, Nicole, Whitney, Laura, Michelle, Sophie, and Chantelle are taken on a group date to Sooke. Ooh, exotic!
- The date consists of a series of lumberjack-style competitions, the ladies being divided into 2 teams. Obviously they’re competing for who gets to spend more time with Brad and obviously Whitney gets scary competitive and says things that hint at violence.
- My first reaction to this whole lumberjack thing was that it’s another Canadian stereotype and we’re not all lumberjacks and a Canadian show should know better than to perpetuate this myth. And then I heard the name of the group, which is the West Coast Lumberjack Show and, well, I definitely saw them perform in Gibsons this summer.
- That’s the group doing an ax-throwing competition. So, yes, it’s a stereotype but I guess it’s part of our culture.
- Also, I’ve been in a pool jousting competition like the one Sophie and Whitney competed in. I was 12 and I totally won.
- Chantelle, Laura, and Sophie win the competition and head to the Sooke Harbour House with Brad. I’ve never been but it is supposed to be a lovely restaurant. When they arrive Dean Brody (?) is singing about Canadian girls. I have no idea who this guy is but Chantelle and Laura actually seem to. Which is a step up from the usual fake excitement of the contestants.
The Rose Ceremony
- Brad throws a curveball (or some type of football equivalent) by sending in Host Tyler to tell the ladies that there will be no cocktail party and that 4 of them will be sent home that night, rather than the expected 2.
- However, there’s really no drama here because it’s obvious who Brad will keep and who he likes. The show tries to create a false sense of intensity by Whitney receiving the last rose but we know that Brad likes her. For some reason.
- I have to say, I like that Brad goes for the big kill and wipes 4 ladies of the board. Sure, he isn’t likely to actually find lasting love with anybody here but if he’s going to try then he should try to spend as much time as possible with as few ladies as possible. Plus, he obviously isn’t going to be attracted to every woman who shows up and it’s nice that he doesn’t seem to want to pretend.
- You know who wouldn’t have ever done this? Newly-single former-bachelor Ben, who would never have given up the chance to make out with as many women as possible.
- Chantelle, Gabrielle, Britany, Ana, Bianka, Laura, and Whitney all last for another week.