If you woke up this morning and thought, “Oh crap, it’s Halloween. I guess I should dress up like something” then this post’s for you!
I find myself in a stage of life where I could care less about Halloween. I don’t have kids and I have no desire to dress up and go to a bar. Granted, I’ve never cared that much about Halloween. You know what I love? November 1st, the day candy goes on sale. (I also love February 15th.)
But maybe you have a job where you might want to dress up. Or you want to throw on a costume before people start ringing your doorbell.
So here are my ideas for Halloween costumes you can dress up as tonight.
1) Someone you live with. This is definitely the easiest. Borrow some clothes from your husband/roommate/mom and wear them. Tell people you are your husband/roommate/mom. If you are at a party where a lot of people know your husband/roommate/mom this will probably be funny, especially if the person you are dressed up as talks in a particular way or has a certain tic, like squinting a lot. Also, if you are a female, nothing gets rid of men at parties or bars faster than telling them you are dressed as your own fiance. Trust me.
2) Frat boy at a toga party. Use a sheet to make yourself a toga. White is preferable but, let’s be honest, frat boys aren’t too concerned. Drink terrible beer. Generally be annoying. If anyone asks you about Roman history, act like you’ve never heard of it.
Alternately, you can be a girl at a toga party. Get yourself some wine coolers and hike that toga up above your knees. Put some leaves in your hair and show a shocking ignorance about Roman history in general.
3) Someone from the 80s/early 90s. This is my personal favourite go-to. The idea here is that you’re not anyone specific, you’re just a person from the 1980s. That’s basically shorthand for a person with terrible fashion taste. If you’re female, shoulder pads are a must. Tapered jeans and neon colours are great. If you have a slap bracelet, throw (slap?) it on! A side ponytail or lots of hairspray and, of course, blue eyeshadow.
4) Mister Rogers. What you need: slacks, a light-coloured button-up dress shirt (preferably a light blue or white), a dark-coloured tie, a red cardigan. Add some gray (flour or baby powder works) to your hair and keep a smile on your face and you’re ready! Bonus points if you change your shoes when you arrive at the party/bar!
5) A chameleon. This is definitely my favourite on this list but also the one that requires the most commitment. I can’t take credit either – this is something my husband actually did at a Halloween party 4 years ago.
Throw a lot of clothes in a duffel bag. The more, the better. Make sure you have lots of different colours and fabrics. Hats are good too. Paint your face green. You know, because chameleons, or something.
At the party, every time you stand beside someone, quickly pull together an outfit like theirs from your duffel bag of clothes. It won’t be exact of course but try to match the colours or style as closely as possible. Be creative! Then stand very still beside this person and bug out your eyes.
You can also try blending in with furniture.
Bonus: If you’re a black man, put on a suit and talk like President Obama. When people ask if you’re Barack Obama, act offended. “What? You think Obama is the only successful black man in the world?” Then tell them that you’re Kenneth Frazier, the first African-American CEO of a pharmaceutical company.