El Bachelore – Episode 3

Molly the dog is still hanging around the mansion. Probably the only thing I like about this season so far. Will she go travelling with them? Can she stay even if Kelly gets kicked off? Will there be a dog every season now?

Nikki kicks us off by telling the camera, “I want to see who he is. As a person.” Thanks for that clarification, Nikki. Otherwise we surely would have thought you wanted to see who Juan Pablo is as a salamander.

Chris Harrison shows up to explain…basically the concept of the show. Why is he explaining this in the third episode? Where were you last episode, Chris?

One-on-One Date: Cassandra

  • There’s mention made that Cassandra gets this date because she’s a mom and Juan Pablo doesn’t want to take more of her time away from her son if there’s no connection between them. And while that’s a nice sentiment, what about Renee, who is also a single mom and does not get a one-on-one date this episode?
  • We get to see Juan Pablo and his daughter and his parents having a picnic in the park and his daughter refuses to eat chicken. Kudos to them for showing a real kid moment.
  • Cassandra hasn’t had a first date since she was 18. We know this because she tells us. Multiple times.
  • Cassandra is 21 and has a 2-year-old and her last first date was when she was 18 so we can kind of assume that her last date was with her son’s father. And now she’s on a reality TV dating show. That seems healthy.
  • Cassandra and Juan Pablo go for a drive and then it turns out that the car is actually a water car and he drives it right from the beach into the ocean, which is actually really cool.
  • The water car is called a Panther, which sounds cool but is a dumb name because Panthers are not known for their abilities on land and sea. Salamander would have made more sense.
  • I noticed that they didn’t have seat belts while they were driving into the water. On the one hand, you probably shouldn’t wear a seat belt when on a boat but they were just driving on the road and the fact that this car goes in water was a surprise to Cassandra so she should have been wearing a seat belt. I thought Juan Pablo wanted to be a good example for his daughter.
  • On a barely-related-note: I’ve taken the local bus a few times now and they have seat belts! Which is weird because buses never have seat belts. Then again, the bus here is really more like a van that drives around and picks people up and then takes them into town because this is a small community.
  • “There were so many things going on in my head,” says Cassandra but her expression really contradicts that statement.
  • Cassandra draws our attention again to the fact that she hasn’t had a date in 3 years which reminds me that she is over a decade younger than Juan Pablo.
  • Cassandra and Juan Pablo have dinner and share pictures of their kids and kiss and she gets a rose. They are not going to get married.

Group Date: Kelly, Renee, Andy, Christy, Lucy, Nikki, Sharleen, Lauren, Danielle, Alli

  • The Ladies meet Juan Pablo at the soccer field where the LA Galaxy play.
  • Did you know that Juan Pablo used to be a professional soccer player?
  • Andi (or maybe Alli – I have trouble telling those 2 apart) says this is where David Beckham played and she has successfully named the only player from the LA Galaxy team that I could have named.
  • Juan Pablo runs them through drills. Being run through soccer drills by a professional soccer player does not sound like fun at all to me.
  • Then they’re divided into teams: Blue and Red
  • The Ladies discuss whether or not this will be painful. Yes, it will be. Both to play and watch. I never thought of soccer as a painful sport until I played with some teenage boys in the Czech Republic and came home with the imprint of a soccer ball on my thigh. The rest of the world is way more hardcore about soccer.
  • We learn that Alli is the only one with soccer experience and that Nikki is super-competitive and most of them aren’t good at soccer.
  • “I don’t really know how to play but I definitely blocked the ball with various body parts. Including my face.” – Sharleen, who seems to take more hits than anybody else.
  • One of the team wins but they all get to stay for the rest of the date, which is a refreshing change from past seasons where the Bus of Tears would pick them up to take the losers home.
  • They also have the cocktail party at the stadium which makes me wonder if the Ladies had to change in the locker rooms.
  • Juan Pablo kisses both Sharleen and Andi but Nikki gets the rose.
  • When I say Juan Pablo kisses Sharleen, I mean he kisses her and she sits extraordinarily still.
  • “It both surprises and bothers me that I care.” – Sharleen re: not getting the rose. Andi also spirals into insecurity.

One-on-One Date: Chelsie

  • Before the one-on-one is announced, there’s a lot of build-up about Elise wanting it and repeatedly saying that Chelsie seems like a little girl to her.
  • “She literally seems like a baby.” – Elise re: Chelsie. And Elise continues the grand tradition of contestants on this show who do not know what the word literally means.
  • Also, Elise, nothing makes you look mature like trash-talking another person!
  • We also learn that Elise is on the show because after her mom died she found a letter that her mom had written saying that Elise should be on The Bachelor. Or something like that? That’s sort of sweet but I can’t help wondering why her mom didn’t have higher aspirations for her daughter.
  • Anyway, Chelsie gets the date and they eat Venezualan food which she says she enjoys and hopefully does but, seriously, could she say anything else? Are you really going to tell Juan Pablo if you don’t like his Venezualan food? Peter once told me he didn’t like cabbage rolls and it made me unhappy. (Don’t worry folks, it turned out he didn’t like them as a child but enjoys them now. It’s okay.)
  • Then Chelsie and Juan Pablo go to jump off a bridge.
  • Chelsie is freaked out and doesn’t want to do it and this scene goes on for a long time of Juan Pablo telling her she doesn’t have to do it but she kind of does because it’s gonna be on TV.
  • “We’re gonna live. Right?” – Chelsie, who thinks someone might die on The Bachelor.
  • Throughout this scene, the bungy jump instructor is standing right behind them and looks like he wants to push them off the bridge. Wouldn’t that be the most dramatic episode ever?
  • Finally Chelsie says that she can trust Juan Pablo and so she jumps. That’s great and all but really, she should be worrying about whether or not she can trust the guy who hooked up the ropes.
  • Every season this whole jumping off things/rappelling down buildings/trusting the other person in a relationship metaphor gets more and more tired. That’s not how real life works!
  • “That is the epitome of building a relationship,” says Chelsie and now I really hope she doesn’t get a rose.
  • They have dinner at Pasadena City Hall and, gotta be honest, it’s much prettier than if they were having dinner at Vancouver City Hall. (But I really hope they do that in the next season of The Canadian Bachelor!)
  • Chelsie gets a rose (boo!) and then some singer I’ve never heard of sings.

Rose Ceremony/Pool Party:

  • Juan Pablo shows up early in the morning at the mansion to make a Venezualan breakfast.
  • Kelly is the first one downstairs (because she has to walk Molly and that completely makes sense) and she barely acknowledges Juan Pablo. She actually covers her face and goes back upstairs. Because her grandmother apparently told her not to entertain gentlemen callers without her “face” on. Seriously? That’s pretty lame.
  • Renee comes down and is sort of bothered that she hasn’t brushed her teeth but otherwise unfazed and she is my new favourite.
  • “Clare looked really good in pajamas,” says Juan Pablo. Except he pronounced it “pee-yamas”, which is kind of awesome.
  • “Does that mean I have to put clothes on?” says Lucy, when she is told that Juan Pablo is in the house.
  • Juan Pablo (or an off-screen producer) decides that instead of having a cocktail party, they will just have a pool party that day.
  • “This is a great day of being the bachelor.” – Juan Pablo.
  • They play chicken in the pool and Molly is nowhere to be seen even though we know that she likes to swim in the pool too and she’s the best.
  • “Kat is trying too hard,” says Kelly, who doesn’t seem to be trying at all.
  • “Peoples definition of fun is different.” – Sharleen. This is actually a fairly accurate statement. Especially since Juan Pablo keeps saying how he wants someone fun and easy going.
  • Sharleen and Juan Pablo have a moment together and she cries and I notice that she is one of those girls who looks beautiful after she cries.
  • Clare is also upset because she is suffering from the First Date curse where she has a great first date with the Bachelor and then he goes on to date other women. She locks herself in the bathroom and Renee goes in to comfort her and comforting crying women in bathrooms is kind of Renee’s thing, it seems.
  • “It’s not a jealousy thing at all. I just wish it was me.” – Clare. Seriously, they should just place some dictionaries around the mansion and maybe these ladies could learn the definitions of some words.
  • Molly makes an appearance at the Rose Ceremony!
  • Lucy and Christy do not get roses.
  • Yeah, being the “free spirit” is only interesting for about one and a half episodes.
  • Did we ever hear Christy say anything? Ever?
  • I also know nothing about Danielle and Lauren and Alli (aside from the fact that she plays soccer) but I guess he can’t kick off too many ladies each week.
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