El Bachelore – Episode 4

Herein begins the travelling, a round-the-world visit of “the most perfect places to fall in love.”

“I’m excited to start dating somewhere else.” – Juan Pablo

Does he realise that the Ladies are coming too? You’re dating the same 13 women, just in a different place. Don’t get too excited, dude.

Chris Harrison tells the Ladies that they will be travelling to Seoul, South Korea and they all get pretty excited. Sharleen, in particular, seems super excited and I wonder if she’s been to Korea before. She seems well-travelled.

“Korea? I don’t even have a kimono!” – Clare

And, with that sentence, Clare becomes my least favourite contestant. How do you get to be 32-years-old and utter that sentence?

“I’m here to find my wife.” – Juan Pablo, as we watch him wander the streets of Seoul.

I had to laugh when he took a photo with his phone and the Apple logo was blurred out. Pretty sure we all still know what kind of phone he has.

Group Date #1: Chelsie, Cassandra, Elise, Danielle, Kat, and Nikki

“We could be making popcorn.” – Cassandra

The date card says only POP and so Cassandra guesses what they might do on their date. She thinks the seven of them will sit around making and, possibly eating, popcorn.

But they’re not making popcorn. Instead they’re going to dance with K-Pop group, 21.

“21 is as big as the Spice Girls.” – Juan Pablo

That’s a pretty dated reference there, Juan Pablo.

“I’m not gonna pout and throw a giant fit like I kind of want to do.” – Nikki

Nikki makes it extremely clear that she doesn’t like dancing and she doesn’t like the date and she doesn’t like the other girls and she definitely seems to be pouting. She also hates sharing. What do you want to bet that Nikki’s an only child?

“It’s my childhood dream to be a back-up dancer.” – Chelsie

And this makes me sad because most children dream about being the star, being the one in the spotlight. But even in her dreams, Chelsie is only in the background. That said, she’s also SUPER excited about everything and it’s kind of cute. Like taking a puppy to the park.

“We have a huge show tonight and we want to invite you guys.” – one of the 21 singers

Really? You want to invite these guys? Someone’s paying you, right?

“I hope that we’re performing for the South Korean School for the Blind.” – Nikki

Nikki really hates this date.

“Everyone’s watching me.” – Kat

Kat, on the other hand, loves this date. They’re probably not watching you though. They’re probably watching the super famous band they paid to see.

For the evening portion of the date the group heads to Korea Furniture Museum. The perfect place to fall in love.

“There’s things I think about people that they wouldn’t necessarily want to hear.” – Nikki to the other girls

Nikki, that’s what your mother was referring to when she told you not to say anything at all. It’s okay to just stop talking.

“The cattiness is starting and it’s mostly Nikki.” – Cassandra.

It’s problematic when the 21-year-old is the most mature in the group.

“I’m not necessarily a feelings person.” – Kat to Juan Pablo

This is something a robot would say. Kat then proceeds to tell Juan Pablo about her father’s alcoholism and her mother’s divorce. He doesn’t really respond much or try to do anything to make her feel better. Uh oh, Kat’s in trouble. Your dancing won’t save you now!

“Nikki’s the most negative person in the house.” – Elise

She then proceeds to become the girl who tells Juan Pablo to watch out for other girls and that never ends well, plus it’s sort of negative on its own.

“I’m a great diaper changer.” – Nikki to Juan Pablo

He asked you how you felt about his daughter. Who is four. So your diaper changing skills are irrelevant.

“There’s no way I would ever have Nikki around my child.” – Elise

That’s also pretty negative. What if your child went to the hospital and Nikki was the nurse? Dilemma!

Elise’s opinion matters little and Juan Pablo gives Nikki the group date rose.

“I think everyone hates me right now but I’ve been myself and I like it.” – Nikki

One-on-One date: Sharleen

“I’ve liked Sharleen since day one…she’s my favourite one right now.” – Juan Pablo

Uh oh, the only way they’re showing us Juan Pablo say that right now is because he doesn’t end up with Sharleen. That’s too bad, I like her.

“I’d be lying if I said I’m in love.” – Sharleen

This. This right here is why she’s my favourite.

“I feel like I’m in a mice.” – Juan Pablo

“In a what? Oh, a maze.” – Sharleen

Far be it from me to make fun of someone not speaking English perfectly but that’s a funny mispronunciation.

They wander through a Korean market and eat Korean food before sitting down in a tea house together.

Sharleen tells Juan Pablo that she has a Masters in music performance and I wonder again what she’s doing on this show. She also explains to him what the word “bland” means.

“He’s really surpassed my expectations…he is more fun than expected.” – Sharleen

They discuss the difficulties of living abroad, in a country where you don’t speak the language and this time, when Juan Pablo says they have a lot in common, I find myself kind of agreeing.

“You miss the United States?” – Juan Pablo re: Sharleen living in ermany

I feel compelled to point out that Sharleen is Canadian so she probably doesn’t miss the U.S. too much in Germany.

Juan Pablo then asks (more than once) how many kids Sharleen wants and she kind of evades the question but it’s fairly clear that she’s not currently interested in having children and she isn’t sure she wants to be a stepmother. Seems like a major red flag for a single father but Sharleen gets a rose.

Group Date #2: Renee, Lauren, Andi, Kelly (where’s Molly?), Clare, Alli (who I forgot was still here)

“I was hoping to avoid anything singing or dancing related.” – Andi

You are most definitely on the wrong show, my dear. Also, was there really a chance that they would be in Asia and not do karaoke?

“Nobody’s freaking out right now!” – Lauren

Discussing the group date. It’s pretty sad that this is an exciting observation.

Juan Pablo and the Ladies visit a place called “Dr. Fish Zone.” I love Asia so much. They stick their feet in these baths where fish nibble off their dead skin. The fish love Renee’s feet the most. Also, it appeared that there was a cafeteria behind them, with people sitting and eating. I would not love eating a meal while loud Americans had their feet nibbled by fish.

“Clare is a little territorial.” – Andi

If Nikki was the villain of the first group date, Clare is the villain of this date.

“This is the epitome of my fears.” – Clare

When they all eat octopus. Just to be clear – Clare’s worst fear, the epitome of all her fears, is eating octopus. And not raw octopus, octopus that looks like it’s been battered and cooked. Basically, Clare’s worst fear is calamari. That isn’t even an exotic food! I can get calamari where I live and I live in the boonies!

How could Clare possibly be in a relationship with someone from another culture? What happens the first time Juan Pablo takes her to Venezuala and they have to eat something that isn’t a burger?

“Clare is the most dramatic person I’ve ever seen!” – Kelly

Wise words, Kelly, wise words. Also, Andi and Kelly re-enact Juan Pablo and Clare eating the octopus and it’s pretty fun. Mainly because Andi does not nail Juan Pablo’s accent.

The evening portion of the group date and Juan Pablo puts on a hideous grandpa sweater.

“The hardest part of this whole thing is being away from Ben. But it’s getting easier.” – Renee

Uh, so you’re starting to miss your son less and less? You realise, now that you’re away from him that you don’t actually like him that much? Is there any way this statement is a positive thing?

“I’m going to try not to kiss anybody tonight.” – Juan Pablo

Here, halfway through the episode, he draws this random line, saying that he wants to be a good example for his daughter. This would be more convincing if he’d said that at the beginning of the show, or even of this episode. Do you think he’s regretting the girls he’s kissed so far?

Inevitably, Lauren asks to kiss him and he says no. Because he has a daughter. Which is actually a pretty hurtful response to someone who knows that you’ve kissed other women.

“I’m not here to kiss everybody.” – Juan Pablo

I don’t agree with it, but as the Bachelor, that’s exactly why you’re here.

Inevitably, Lauren cries and I sympathise because that was kind of a jerk move and he could have said something nice like that he wanted to get to know her better first but instead he gave some random excuse. (Also, what is Lauren’s accent?)

To make matters worse, Juan Pablo then proceeds to have some time alone with Clare and HE KISSES HER! Ugh, what a jerk! Plus, he kisses her shortly after she confesses that the octopus was gross and it made her throw up in her mouth.

“Do I have chocolate breath?” – Clare

She asks, as they kiss. Which only serves to remind everyone that she probably has octopus/vomit breath.

Okay, let’s hurry this along. Cocktail Party/Rose ceremony, Nikki and Clare don’t like each other, they’re both competitive, blah, blah, blah.

“You guys are amazing. I love you.” – Juan Pablo

Said right before the rose ceremony begins. That’s a weird thing to say, right? He loves them?

In the end, Elise and Lauren are sent home.

“I’m bummed.” – Elise

She’s surprisingly calm, considering she seemed to believe that her deceased mother intended for her to marry Juan Pablo.

Next week: We get to watch the Ladies be ignorant and catty in Vietnam!

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